It seems as though every day something from the LGBT Community is making national headlines. From the legalization of marriages and civil unions in various states to transgender toddlers to yet another athlete identifying as gay, we are receiving an information overload. While some in the Catholic community tend to take a “hell in a hand basket” attitude, many are dealing with these issues on a personal level in their daily lives, most commonly having friends with homosexual tendencies. What is the correct response to those who identify as part of this community for the millions of Catholics who encounter them daily? How can we continue to reach out to those who are, as Pope Francis has called, “on the periphery?”
Teen and 20-something Catholics are in a conflict that those in older age cohorts may have not experienced. They are constantly faced with the reality of the “new civil rights movement”. Many corporations have even jumped on the gay rights bandwagon. Last week was Gay Pride week in Washington, DC, and seemingly every storefront donned rainbows and moved girl mannequins with girl mannequins, and boy mannequins with boy mannequins in support of the occasion. It’s as if the discussion is over. This is the way things are, and even questioning this fact makes the questioner a homophobe, bigot, or, worst of all, labeled intolerant.
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However, for many of us the discussion is not over. We continue to be conflicted. We have friends with same-sex attractions whom we love deeply and desire happiness for. We believe the Catholic Faith to hold the truth when it comes to human sexuality, but constantly find ourselves defending our gay friends’ characters to those who have had little exposure to their culture. Some have even argued that it is not possible to justify a friendship with those who identify as gay. While I understand that many may find it difficult, I have found it to be truly beautiful to love someone through his struggles.
Personally, I have several friends who identify as gay, and I treat them no differently from my friends who attend daily Mass. I am also very careful to not call them my “gay friends”, as I believe this to be a reduction of their humanity. People are first and foremost children of God, and should not be identified first by their sexuality. With these friendships, the content of our conversations certainly differ, but the depth and quality of them do not. Most of my friends who identify as gay were my friends long before they ever began to identify as such, and I saw to it that their “coming out” did not have a negative affect on our friendship. I find that constantly communicating my disapproval is not effective nor is it necessary. We know where each other stands on the issue. Through the strong foundation of friendship, we can agree to disagree and love each other through our differences. I pray for my friends who are gay, just as I pray for my friends who attend daily Mass. As Oscar Wilde so famously said, “Every sinner has a future and every saint has a past.”
Many would agree that Catholics have a particular responsibility to reach out to those who have felt alienated by the Church. Every year, dozens of Franciscan University students spend their spring breaks evangelizing in Panama City, FL, striking up conversations at some of the most controversial and racy spring break locations, from wet tee shirt contests and beer pong competitions to gay bars. While some within the Catholic world would be scandalized by this exposure to the extreme secular world, many within the LGBT community were shown that they still have a home in the Church from these Catholics allowing themselves to perhaps be uncomfortable for a bit. Influential spirituality writer, the late Father Henri Nouwen said, “One of the main tasks of theology is to find words that do not divide but unite, that do not create conflict but unity, that do not hurt but heal.” I feel that those who focus on unity and bringing people in to the fold are the strongest evangelizers.
However, many within the LGBT community are willing to discuss the more controversial issues, those that might not be as unifying. What should a devout Catholic do if an issue is brought up? “Cary,” a clinical psychologist who has also had several friends who identify as gay says, “Whether to address the difficult decisions and which ones, depends on a lot of factors and ultimately should be prayerful – is this coming from my frustration that they are ‘doing something wrong’ or because I feel moved to talk to them in love. It’s my experience that most Catholics living a gay lifestyle already struggle with a fair amount of guilt. Sometimes showing love and acceptance can go a lot farther than increasing guilt, and also is a living reminder of the universality and family nature of the Church – that they still have a place.” Obviously, if a person within the LGBT community is genuinely asking what the Church teaches, one should certainly tell them. However, this should be done in a sensitive manner.
Social media has become a place for people to state their political grievances and controversial opinions, particularly when it comes to homosexuality. Many people feel much braver stating their differences from their computer monitors than they do in person. Mandy, a mother of two in the Northeast says, “In this age of social media sometimes people are quick to post their every thought and emotion without fully thinking how their words might affect those who read them. This isn’t to say I don’t think we should share Church teaching, I think that is part of our mission as Catholics. I do however think we need to be careful as to how we share. It has been my experience that posting about topics as sensitive as gay rights and abortion on Facebook or Twitter often doesn’t lead anywhere fruitful. Rarely have I seen a political or religious debate on Facebook end with one or both parties having a change of heart. If anything, both sides walk away hating the other side more than before. The conversations that have borne the most fruit for me and my friends have been the ones that have taken place face-to-face.”
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“James”, a 30-year-old resident of the Metropolitan DC Area, who has a strong Catholic background (12 years of homeschooling, as well as both undergraduate and graduate degrees from orthodox Catholic colleges), has experienced both this unity as well as a conflict with Catholics as someone with a same-sex attraction. He has reported multiple condemning comments in the past, both face-to-face as well as on social media, but is happy to report that these have tapered off in recent years. “When my friends tell me they are praying for me, that they love me even though they don’t condone my lifestyle, I am struck with multiple emotions. I used to find it condescending, arrogant, and completely uncalled for. I didn’t ask for your prayers, I didn’t ask your opinion, and I don’t really care. But, after years of struggling with the anger these ‘touching’ words brought me, I came to an honest realization: My friends were telling me this because they do love me; they believe what they believe very strongly; and they feel the need to continue to include me in their lives, but want to be very clear that they do not support gays. I respect this. It took a while, but I eventually came to understand that what would appear to be close-minded, obnoxious condemnation was, in fact, a simple gesture of love. Now, if we could figure out a way to get that respect to be mutual.”
The Catechism tells us that every baptized person is an adopted child of God, with no stipulation regarding sexual orientation. What we, as Catholics, must continue to remember is that very fact. At the end of the day, we are all sinners, but some sins are more obvious than others. We must continue to reach out to those who are on the periphery, be sensitive with our methods of communication, and remind them that they do indeed still have a home within the Church. While the world may be obsessed with bombarding the population with controversial stories, we must remember that these are irrelevant when it comes to the bigger picture of humanity and salvation. As we move forward, we must remember to treat those who identify as gay with love, and accept this change in our culture in a charitable way.
Brittany Higdon is a native of Ohio and has been residing in the Washington, DC area for the past six years. She holds a B.A. from Franciscan University of Steubenville and an M.Ed from the University of Virginia. She is a Reading Specialist and is passionate about Catholic education. When she is not teaching or writing, she is exploring the Smithsonian Museums, traveling, and playing with her ferocious Dachshund/Yorkie cross named Cannoli.
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