All of Jane Austen’s novel center on the all-importance of marriage as one of the major decisions in a man or woman’s life. They portray happy, ideal marriages as the greatest source of contentment in human life, “all the best blessings of existence” as she writes in Emma. A bachelor in the novel observes his married brother’s contentment: “There was too much domestic happiness in his brother’s house; woman wore too amiable a form in it.” Her books portray a variety of marriages based on various motives and standards from the conventional proper match based on economic security or social respectability to the sudden elopement prompted by infatuation and lust to the marriages governed by the ideals of love and honor. The best marriages in Austen’s novels are founded on careful deliberation on four major considerations of marriage: economic, social, romantic and moral. Of these four aspects the moral dimension is primary: a man and woman must admire, respect, and “esteem” the moral character of the spouse. Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice refuses one marriage proposal because she finds the gentleman pompous, patronizing and tedious. Mr. Collins—without any courtship to woo and win the heart of a woman—arrives to announce that he has come to choose a bride upon the recommendation of his patroness, a wealthy Lady Catherine who recommends that the social approval of Anglican clergyman depends upon a respectable marriage.
After approving of the moral character of a prospective spouse, the heroines in Austen’s novels must experience real attraction and affection for the men they consider worthy. Feelings matter. Marriage is not a mere social convention or economic arrangement or only a matter of moral compatibility but a relationship in which a man and woman always enjoy each other’s company, conversation, and presence. Elizabeth Bennet notices that her mother and father spend little time in each other’s presence and limit their conversation to the minimum of necessary exchange and avoid all serious subjects. Elizabeth also observes that her friend Charlotte, who married for “unromantic” reasons as she says, desiring only a comfortable home and financial independence from her parents, arranges her household in a way that minimizes interaction between her and her husband. She encourages him to be outdoors as much as possible in his garden and places his study at a far end of the house.
Once Elizabeth overcomes her false first impressions and prejudice against Darcy, she recognizes his integrity and magnanimity. His largeness of mind rises above petty resentments as he forgives those who misjudge him, and he extends himself far beyond the call of duty to rescue Elizabeth’s younger sister Lydia from the scandal of elopement without marriage. She admires the compliments he receives from his housekeeper as “the best landlord and the best master” and “a good brother,” adding even more praise: “Whatever can give his sister any pleasure, is sure to be done in a moment.” In Elizabeth’s eyes, Darcy gradually shines as a noble man with a generous heart, gracious manners, and impeccable integrity. Although of different temperaments, they delight in each other’s company and respect each other’s mind for its intelligence and good judgment. Elizabeth and Darcy complement each other and bring out the best in each other’s character, her liveliness lightening some of his formality and his prudent decisions balancing Elizabeth’s tendency to judge prematurely.
After Elizabeth visits Darcy’s home at Pemberley Woods, she finds herself perfectly at ease in the atmosphere that surrounds the beauty of the estate and the arrangement of the home. Having rejected Darcy’s first marriage proposal because of her prejudice and his initial bad first impression, Elizabeth reconsiders when she meets him in her visit: “Never . . . had she seen him so desirous to please, so free from self-consequence, or unbending reserve as now . . . .” Darcy has changed to win the approval of Elizabeth Bennet’s ideals and prove himself worthy of her love, a change that moves the heart of Elizabeth to gratitude: “for to love, ardent love, it must be attributed.” Although Darcy enjoys great wealth and strikes all the women at the balls as the most handsome of men, Elizabeth first and foremost falls in love with him because of his moral character: “She respected, she esteemed, she was grateful to him, she felt a real interest in his welfare.” The moral foundation of marriage weighs the most in the happiest marriages in Austen’s novels.
Because Elizabeth Bennet belongs to a lower social and economic class than the Darcy family, his aristocratic aunt Lady Catherine refuses her approval and considers the idea “disgraceful.” With stern warning she advises Elizabeth to entertain no thoughts about matrimony: “This match, to which you have the presumption to aspire, can never take place. No, never.” For Darcy, however, his marriage to Elizabeth is not an act of condescension or humiliation but a marriage to an intelligent, elegant, noble woman with whom he shares the same moral ideals of integrity, honor, charity, and magnanimity—a woman his equal in every way except social rank and wealth, a woman he admires for her taste, graciousness, manners and liveliness. As Elizabeth observes, for all the differences in their family background, they complement and balance each other and share a moral and emotional compatibility that forms the bond of unity: “It was an union that must have been to the advantage of both; by her ease and liveliness, his mind might have been softened, his manners improved, and from his judgment, information, and knowledge of the world, she must have received benefit of greater importance.”
Other marriages in the novel do not follow this ideal of love because the social and economic benefits of matrimony outweigh the romantic and moral dimensions, or the four major considerations of marriage do not receive serious attention. Charlotte Lucas marries Mr. Collins after knowing him only two weeks because of practical considerations: “I am not romantic you know. I never was. I ask only a comfortable home.” Charlotte wants to escape the stigma of old maid and fears that if she refuses this offer she may never receive another proposal. Elizabeth’s sister Lydia also plunges into marriage without forethought or prudence. She ignores not only the moral and romantic aspects of marriage but disregards all financial and social considerations as well. She elopes with Wickham, an irresponsible man in debt with a reputation for duplicity who does not win her heart, prove his worth, or earn her admiration. Lydia and Wickham pay no heed to the social consequences of their elopement or feel any shame about scandal. Wickham deceives and exploits the naïve Lydia for his pleasure with no honorable intentions of marriage until Darcy offers them money as an incentive. Lydia overlooks every important consideration about the seriousness of marriage, only boasting that she, a younger sister, was married before her older sisters.
Austen’s wisdom is timeless and universal. Marriage is of central importance to a person’s happiness and for a healthy society, not something of marginal significance or some “optional extra.” Marriage is a noble ideal, and a man and woman should not compromise moral principles to settle for mediocrity or lower their expectations. Marriage is for a lifetime and deserves all the rational, emotional, and moral resources of a person in making this major decision, not mere public opinion. Because marriage is a loving, intimate relationship in which two people spend more time in each other’s company than in anyone else’s presence, the choice must have the weight of conviction and certainty and not be a decision based on impulse or convention. Although many factors influence the decision to marry and many family members or friends offer advice, the heart, soul, and conscience of the man and woman in love outweigh peer pressure, social customs, and worldly considerations. True love is most idealistic and most realistic.
Mitchell Kalpakgian, Ph.D. has completed fifty years of teaching beginning as a teaching assistant at the University of Kansas, continuing as a professor of English at Simpson College in Iowa for thirty-one years, and recently teaching part-time at various schools and college in New Hampshire. As well as contributing to a number of publications, he has published seven books: The Marvelous in Fielding’s Novels, The Mysteries of Life in Children’s Literature, The Lost Arts of Modern Civilization, An Armenian Family Reunion (a collection of short stories), Modern Manners: The Poetry of Conduct and The Virtue of Civility, and The Virtues We Need Again. He has designed homeschooling literature courses for Seton Home School, and he also teaches online courses for Queen of Heaven Academy and part-time for Northeast Catholic College.
